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WPT Foxwoods

Friday, 27 April 2007

Proactivity
The confluence of events which led me down the fox trail and onward to the wizards lair in new york city speak to a greater power guiding me through the game of life. That greater power is of course a drug addiction. I got the go ahead from the west coast bosses of pokulator.com that they needed their east coast correspondent on the scene for the world poker tour event being held there this weekend. Shit set me up with a press pass and pointed me towards the action, all I had to do was put in a little research time and prepare well thought out journalistic like questions as well as provide a presentable pokulator presence at the event. I did neither. But I did bring along two hundred dollars to throw around at the tables hoping to turn it into four hundred and a couple ounces of midi.

I awoke at the crack of nine thirty AM, a full four hours before my regular re-animation interval, and limped through my two hour saturday morning tutoring session. We were writing a paper wherin the bush doctrine was compared unfavorably to hitler's tennant of might makes right, and two hours later our unfair attack on a sitting presidents policies was complete along with some additional unrelated precalculus problems. I cruised down boston post road towards the ninety five interstate, stopping abruptly when I saw a radio shack with hopes of buying up a dictator to add an air of proffesionalism to my interviews. Unfortunately when I had questions those fucks had answers in price ranges beyond my means. Who the fuck is gonna spend seventy dollars on a voice recorder? Not this guy. So I cruised another few miles till I saw a giant rummage sale sign and thought maybe I could get lucky. After wrestling with the idea of pretending that an answering machine with a dollar pricetag was actually a recording device, I decided that most proffessional poker players would be able to sniff out that rouse. I gave up and hit the ninety five south with only my pencil and notebook which was already lined with notes on parabolas and paul wolfowitz.

I radioed back to my west coast base to recieve further instructions, but it was one of those conversations where you call only because you think your suppossed to, not because you actually feel like listening. So dude was spoutin off information about who to get in touch with and who to set up interviews with while I nodded an unseen nod. I pulled into the rainmaker parking lot around four in the PM, and started asking around about press passes. Each new mobile information stand of a security guard gave me that same condescending "if your actually on the press list" with their directions, possibly confused by my sidemount cheap notebook and thinking I was trying to run some sort of scam. Getting to the official check in, they could no longer deny my name's presence on the list. I posed for a picture, and then they printed out this half assed press pass that didnt have a clip to attach to my person like those that came before cause they done run out.

I wandered up to the ballroom that was hosting the event and surveyed the scene. I saw eric slidell and cindy violette each doing interviews with these microphone toting show offs which made me feel like maybe my equipment would be my undoing. Then I saw the true source of my undoing, the free buffet highlighted by pigs in a blanket. Pigs in a fucking blanket dude. I tried to be real discreet, taking only one or two at a time as if I wasnt singlehandely doing more harm to the pig population than tricinosis. Shit was a feast. But then the break bell sounded and I had to go about my meager task.

After a couple failed interviews, I gave up and went to play poker of my own. The list for the one two no limit game was like forty people long, so I tried to be real sneaky like and swipe up a seat when it came available. Unfortunately, since the press pass issued nametag I was wearing didnt match the initials on the loud speaker, I was caught in one of the most transparant lies ever told, and the floorman delivered a look of geniune dissappointment in my lack of character. I sheepishly mumbled some shit about thinking this was the open one to five stud seat they were talking about on the intercom, but the whole table looked on with disgust. Maybe its the intercom that shouldnt be trusted, ever think of that jackass. I never trusted the announcements that used to come on at the start of school, but I always wished I had control of them. "Attention everyone, Ms. Templeton drinks scotch alone to wash away the sadness."

When my name finally did get called, I sat right down in the big blind and cashed in for my full two hundred dollar bankroll. The table was filled with young gun red sox fans who chatted back and forth about which boston suburb spawned them. I folded the first six hands or so dealt to me, and watched the two friends to the left of me do battle. Twice the dude directly to my left laid down to an all in overbet with a pot of over a hundred fifty dollars. It was twice within like four hands and the second time he showed a massive flush draw bluff that had poor drawing odds against the face up folded two pair. The bluff's victim started mouthin off about "I hope you know how your gettin home buddy, you're gonna be thumbin." Even though he was somewhat joking with his friend, you could tell he was really pissed off.

The next hand I get A-7 clubs and I limp in early position. Tilt a wheel comes in right after me as do two others. With the pot of eight dollars, it flops 10,9,8 with two clubs. I called along with the right odds as we narrowed the field to three and the turn came three of hearts. Thats when the anger monger made his checkraise to fifty overtop of a sixteen dollar raise Id already called. I was getting a look at a hundred and forty dollar pot for my thirty four dollar call so I did what need be done but missed. Check down the river and lose to top pair tens. Fuck dude, down to a hundred twenty bucks that quick and my table image is that of a calling station.

My revenge hand came in the form of a king queen that I called a ten dollar preflop raise with and found J,10,9 rainbow on the flop. There was already fifty dollars in the middle, but when first position bet out fifteen I decided to just call and hope for a reraise from one of the three people to act behind me. The reraise didnt come, but two more calls did. The turn then came queen and likely fucked me into a split pot. I bet out twenty five bucks, which was quickly followed by an all in behind. It folded back to me and I had to call for seventy, saying before he flipped "you've got ace king dont you, Ive got the straight." This jackass says "oh shit, I didnt event see the straight." Its not like there were three to the straight, fucking four to the straight dude, Ed Fernnandez could have fucking seen this thing. But wouldnt you know, the river card brought one of the remaining kings in the deck, and when this fucking donkey flipped his A-Q he thought was good with top pair, he had counterfeited my flopped straight. I didnt even flip out dude, I just quietly nodded, as if to say thats about right. People offered condolences and I sat silently stunned. The next second the dealer was asking me to pay five dollars for time and I realized that five of my remaining twenty two was a terrible investment. I walked the fuck away.

Collecting my thoughts and calling my connection in new york, I let him know I wouldnt be utilizing his services. I wandered aimlessly through the action wondering if this was a sign that I should ease up on the throttle on the smoking. My wanderings took me past a roulette wheel that happened to have both six and seventeen back to back somewhere along its recent string of numbers and I decided it was time to evoke my vegas roommate russell's failsafe roulette system. The power of the six and seventeen he used to call it, used to make declarative statements like "Listen up kid, Im about to show you the power of the six and seventeen", then he would throw down five on each and he would hit like half the time. No egzagaration dude, he hit half the fucking time. It was uncanny. I had even harnessed the power a few times with him, but it usually led to an undesired jinxing effect.

This time felt different, the bet just felt right. So I stepped up with my twenty two bucks and told the dealer to split it, eleven on the six and eleven on the seventeen. Shit went round, and I wasnt even watching. I knew dude, I just fucking knew. Alright thats a lie, but when it did fall, shit was on the wrong side to see it and I had to wait till she came round that mountain all up in the six slot. MOULTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN, three eighty five in your fucking eye. The power of the six and seventeen, learn it, maybe one day you can be rich like me. Cause I was fucking flush, three eighty five. The dealer was trying to feed me more chips like I was gonna waste them at his station after the sign Id just been sent by a greater power. Embrace the drug problem, I read you loud and clear boss. No need to tell this guy twice. I colored the fuck up and headed for the cage. Three eighty five dude, tipped out the staff five in the box and five on the board which they squandered on the twenty six, but I still cashed out at three eighty five plus the one dollar chip I smuggled out for good luck.

I went back to the ballroom and started snapped off pictures with croftons digital camera. My photography skills are about on par with my ninja star skills, and Im only really looking to improve in one of the two areas. Fuck photography. Shit mays have been blurry and unusable let alone subjects chosen at random, but enjoy the stills boss. My work here is done and Im hightailing it to new york before I have a chance to blow my drugmoneys elsewheres. Far be it from me to question that with which I have been bequethed. I hit the highway and pulled into the wizards lair by ten in the PM. After days of bellyaching about a solution to my empty cupboard, I did what a man might and I forced fate's hand. You ready for a paradox, a motivated pothead operating in a draught if successful achieves an abscence of motivation.

read more from Eddie Money here

JC Tran tops JC Alvarado to win the WPT World Poker Challenge

JC Tran survived a difficult final table to win the WPT World Poker Challenge in Reno and put himself in the lead for the 2007 Player of the Year race. Tran has been on one of the most remarkable runs in poker history the past two years, making final tables at four WPT events and winning the main event of the World Championship of Online Poker. Tran finished 3rd in the Player of the Year race in 2006 and is poised to make a run for the title in 2007. Tran has won over two million dollars in tournaments already this year putting his lifetime tournament winnings above the four million dollar mark.

Pokulator caught up with JC Tran a few weeks ago at the WPT invitational before his first WPT win. Watch the interview here.

Will a JC prevail at the WPT World Poker Challenge in Reno?

Two talented players named JC (JC Tran and JC Alvarado) are among the six players left at very difficult WPT final table in Reno. Tran and Alvarado have been two of the hottest players on the poker circuit with Tran dominating tournaments the past couple of years and Alvarado just recently taken his game live after turning 21. Tran finished second to Michael "the Grinder" Mizrachi in the 2006 Player of the Year race and was second in the 2007 race coming into this tournament. He is sure to take the lead with this final table appearance highlighting what will undoubtedly go down as one of the hottest streaks in poker history. Joining the JCs at the final table with a shot at the $$683,473 first prize are chipleader David "the Dragon" Pham, Danny Wong, Mark Seif, and John Horn.

Watch JC Alavardo AKA PrtyPsux's first interview of his young poker career here, or read his blog here.

Stars, Bars, and Cards at the WPT Invitational

Poker players, athletes, and Hollywood celebs came together in LA to celebrate a common love of poker and free drinks. The action was fast and furious on the opening night, but day two turned serious as the remaining players eyed the $100,000 first prize and the seat in the WPT Championship. 420 people entered the tournament including Paris and Nikki Hilton, Jason Alexander, Vince Vaughn, Pete Sampras, Don Cheadle, Marlan Wayans, Donnie Wahlberg, and James Woods. Many other stars were also in attendance and our cameras tried to capture some of the festivities at one of the most fun poker events of the year.

View our photos from the WPT Invitational here

Raise your hand if you had fun at the Invitational

Fashion Icons?
Mark "Newhizzle" Newhouse happily accepted Chantel McNulty's challenge to wear dress socks and shoes with his gym shorts shortly after Paris Hilton did her thing on the red carpet.

Seated between Kelly Hu (left) and Bai Ling (right), tennis star James Blake faced many tough decisions at the table.

more photos here

Amateur Eric Hershler outlasts pros to win the LAPC

Eric Hershler was an unknown player until he showed up at an extremely difficult final table at the LA Poker Classic. But, Herschler has made a name for himself outlasting 790 other players to win the almost $2.5 million first prize, and the coveted $25,000 seat to the WPT championship next month in Las Vegas. Hershler only needed one hand once it became heads up against JC Tran, when he flopped two pair to Tran's pair of aces.

Tran was the leader for much of the tournament, but couldn't hang onto the lead with the huge blinds at the final table and settled for his $1.2 million second prize. Tran final tabled the LAPC last year and finished second to Michael "the Grinder" Mizrachi in the 2006 player of the year race. He also won the world's biggest online tournament, the WCOOP main event, proving he is a tournament force both online and live. Paul Wasicka, the second place finisher at the 2006 WSOP main event, also made the final table, but was unable to top his WSOP performance and busted out fourth.

LAPC Final Table Payouts

1. Eric Hershler $2,429,970
2. JC Tran $1,177,010
3. Jacobo Fernandez $607,490
4. Paul Wasicka $455,615
5. Chau Giang $341,710
6. David Bach $257,425

Final TV Table Set

6 players remain in the WPT LA Poker Classic with a shot at the nearly $2.5 million top prize. JC Tran finished the day with the chip lead again with 3,420,000 chips. He is followed closely behind by Paul Wasicka in second with 3,390,000 chips. Wasicka is looking to win his first major live tournament after finishing runner-up to Jamie Gold in the 2006 WSOP Main Event. Jacabo Fernandez is just behind Wasicka with 3,370,000 chips and well known pro Chau Giang is bringing up the rear with 1,370,000 chips.

Seat 1

Jacobo Fernandez

3,370,000

Seat 2

Chau Giang

1,370,000

Seat 3

Paul Wasicka

$3,390,000

Seat 4

J.C. Tran

$3,470,000

Seat 5

David Bach

$2,070,000

Seat 6

Eric Hershler

$2,160,000

Tran Takes Command at the LAPC

18 players remain at the LAPC, led by JC Tran who is back on top with almost three times as many chips as the next closest player. Tran leads the way with 3,461,000 chips, but many other quality players remain in the field including: Jason Strasser, Bill Elder, Chau Giang, Paul Wasicka, Chris Bell, Kristy Gazes, and JC Alvarado. Alvarado took a horrible beat to end the day when his KQ came up short against his opponent's KQ when four diamonds came on board making a flush. Players will have a hard time catching Tran, a dominant tournament player who finished 2nd to Michael "the Grinder" Mizrachi in the 2006 Cardplayer player of the year race. Everyone left in the field is guaranteed at least $58,470, but all eyes are on the top prize of almost $2.5 million.

The chip counts are as follows:
1 J.C. Tran 3,461,000
2 Jacobo Fernandez 1,334,000

3 Jason Strasser 1,196,000
4 William "Bill" Edler 1,160,000
5 Tad Jurgens 1,059,000
6 Ben Johnson 1,055,000
7 David Bach 985,000
8 Chau Giang 813,000
9 Paul Wasicka 806,000
10 Eric Hershler 745,000
11 Chris Bell 636,000
12 Joseph Cordi 512,000
12 Vincent Procopio 512,000
14 Richard Munro 371,000
15 Jay Chang 333,000
16 Kristy Gazes 307,000
17 Juan Carlos Alvarado 282,000
18 Shan Jing 266,000

It's crowded at the top at the LAPC

After 3 days of the play there is no clear favorite at the LA Poker Classic and everyone left in the tournament is in the money.

The 54 remaining players still have a shot at the $2.5 million dollar first prize, led by Bill Elder (right) with 696,000 chips. There are seven other players within 100,000 chips of Elder including Jasson Strasser, JC Tran, JC Alvarado, and 2006 WSOP ME runner up Paul Wasicka.

JC Alvarado (below left) has been running hot recently,

taking second in a LAPC preliminary event and making it to the bubble of last week's WSOP circuit event before being knocked out by a 2 outer on the river. Alvarado is known online as PartyPSux and he just turned 21 so the live tournament circuit better be ready to see a lot more of him.

Again Matt and Owen from Pokerlistings are doing a great job with the live updates so check them out here.

The LA Poker Classic returns to Commerce

As Hollywood movie stars flocked to the Academy Awards, the stars of poker flocked to Commerce Casino for the WPT LA Poker Classic. 791 people anted up the $10,000 buy in for a shot at the first prize of nearly $2.5 million and a $25,000 seat in the WPT championship event.

JC Tran (right) finds himself in familiar territory at the top of the tournament leader board. Tran added to his chip stack by knocking out Joe Sebok who had been the day 1 chip leader, but lost his stack before the money on day 2. Tran is a dominant chipstack and is has almost twice as many chips as

Alan Engel AKA Bodog Ari (left), who has been stacking chips all day. Ari isn't very well known on the live tournament scene because of his young age, but is already a legend online.

Many big names busted early including 2006 WSOP Champion Jamie Gold who didn't make it out of the second level. Owen and Matt from Pokerlistings are doing a great job following the action so follow their live updates here.

Peter Feldman wins his second WSOP circuit main event

Peter "Nordberg" Feldman won Harrah's Rincon WSOP circuit main event Thursday night defeating Davidson Matthews heads up to take the title. Feldman was one of the top stacks for the entire tournament and never looked back claiming the $280,859 first prize, a WSOP circuit championship ring, a seat in the $10,000 WSOP ME, and joining Chris "Jesus" Ferguson as the only players to win multiple WSOP circuit championships.

Matthews hasn't gotten much respect on the tournament scene, but that may change soon if he keeps putting up top finishes.

Erik Cajelais finished 6th but became an instant favorite with an eye-pleasing cheering section (left) and his classic sendoff to Phil Gordon after Gordon complained about the beat that sent him to the rail.

From Owen at PokerListings:
"Just take your beat and leave," says Cajelais. "You'll be fine."

"We'll meet again," says Gordon, again starting to leave.

"You don't go deep enough in tournaments," says Cajelais. "We'll never meet."

Well known pros Gavin Smith and Shane "Shaniac" Schleger also made the final table, but were unable to take the title. Smith was down to less than 1,000 chips at one point early in the tournament, but battled all the way back to the final table before finishing 7th. Smith also informed the media that he bet NBA rookie Adam Morrison $10,000 that he wouldn't cut his hair first. He said Morrison is allowed to cut his bangs in order to play ball but anything else would be considered a loss. When I asked smith if Morrison's moustache counted Smith replied "He's highly encouraged to shave the moustache without penalty." Schleger has made it deep in many tournaments recently, but his run at Rincon ended when he ran into Matthews' quads and finished in 6th place.

Thanks to Harrah's Rincon for providing great support for the media and to Owen and Matt from Pokerlistings, Kaelaine from Pokerpages, and Jason Kirk for happily SHARING updates so that I could recover from a cold, take a Spanish test, party for San Diego's Mardi Gras, and try my luck at the cash games at Rincon.

Owen says "Pokerlistings is number 1!" and we're off to LA for the LA Poker Classic then the WPT Invitational...

Harrah's Rincon WSOP circuit main event final table

Play will resume at 2pm on Thursday with Peter Feldman leading the way for the $280,859 prize, as he has been for most of the tournament. Second in chips is WSOP bracelet winner Gavin Griffen

and third is Erik Cajelais. Cajelais may not be leading the tournament, but he is leading the race for best railbird (see left) and best sendoff. He had a few choice words for Phil Gordon after Gordon complained about the beat that sent him to the rail.

From Owen at PokerListings:
"Just take your beat and leave," says Cajelais. "You'll be fine."

"We'll meet again," says Gordon, again starting to leave.

"You don't go deep enough in tournaments," says Cajelais. "We'll never meet."

Well known pros Shane "Shaniac" Schleger and Gavin Smith, who battled back from less than one thousand chips at one point, are also still in the hunt. Schleger sent Juan Carlos Alvarado to the rail two spots out of the money after hitting a two outer on the river.

Feldman still in the lead after the dinner break

Peter Feldman has maintained his chip lead for most of the tournament and leads Erik Cajelais (2nd in chips), Shane "Shaniac" Schleger (3rd) and 10 others at Harrah's Rincon as they battle down to the final nine players tonight.

Peter Feldman is the Day 2 chipleader at Harrah's Rincon WSOP circuit main event

25 players remain in contention at the main event at Harrah's Rincon. Peter Feldman has the chip lead with about 200,000 chips followed closely behind by Shane "Shaniac" Schleger, and Joe Sebok. Many other big name players remain including Barry Greenstein, Gavin Smith, Gavin Griffen, and more.

End of Day 1 at Harrah's Rincon WSOP Circuit Main Event

Peter Feldman (right) finished day one with the chip lead over Joe Sebok (left) and 41 others in the WSOP circuit main event at Harrah's Rincon. Sebok's southern California hot streak seems to be continuing in San Diego fresh off of his win at the LA Poker Classic in the $2,500 limit event. Many other big name pros, including Sebok's father Barry Greenstein are still in contention and they will continue play at noon on Wednesday.

Harrah's Rincon WSOP Circuit

The WSOP circuit at Harrah's Rincon kicked off its main event today with 181 players paying the $5,000 buy-in. Many big name players have come down to San Diego for this event including: Chris "Jesus" Ferguson, Barry Greenstein, Erick Lindgren, Joe Sebok, Amir Vaheti, Shane Schleger, Carlos Mortenson, Phil Gordon, Kathy Liebert, Gavin Smith, Annie Duke, Joe Tehan, Max Pescatori, Scotty Nguyen, Jordan Morgan, Justin "ZeeJustin" Bonomo, and many more. The first prize will be over $280,000 and there are important Cardplayer player of the year points up for grabs also.

Brandu Cantu was just given two 10 minute penalties for the f-bomb just prior the last break. He reraised a pot that had two other people involved and a player mucked out of turn and headed to the break allowing the original raiser to move all in against only Cantu. Cantu unleashed a string of expletives (many more than two) and headed out to his extended break. Tough luck for Cantu because the original raiser said that he would have folded his pocket jacks if there were still two people left in the hand.

Gavin Smith also informed the media row that he bet he would not cut his hair before NBA rookie Adam Morrison. He said Morrison is allowed to trim his bangs in order to play ball, but anything else would cost him 10 grand. I asked if Morrison's moustache counted and Gavin said that Morrison was encouraged to shave it off and that it wouldn't count against the bet.

Beware fish at Rincon, recent eliminations from the main event Michael Binger (3rd in the 2006 WSOP ME) and Bill Elder are sitting at the same $3/$5 NL table in the new poker room.

Eddie Money proved to himself that he could abstain from the pot for 6 months. He's paid his dues and now he's back dude, he's fucking back!

Bong Hog's Day
by Eddie Money

Its been a long time coming dude, but its finally here, and there will be much rejoicing. Some months ago, my benevolent roommate grabler was discussing my reward for having battled my demons this long half year past. He decreed that the normally enforced statutes of not smoking in the main room of the apartment would be temporarily decriminalized for a day in honor of my accomplishment. Immediately accepting this olive branch I coyly asked what exactly constituted a day, was it twenty four hours, sun up to sun down, what were we dealing with here. Ever the negotiation wizard, grabler promptly replied that it was only one session not twenty four hours. I immediately accepted this proposal than asked to specify when a session was officially over. He said it ended once an hour had passed without smoking. I immediately accepted this proposal, and bong hogs day was born.

The premise is simple, go an hour without smoking and the day is done. So alls I got to do is not go an hour without smoking for as long as humanly possible. My goal is one hundred hours. I am going to plop myself down in my favorite chair with a sack of weed, a bowl, and a digital clock. I will set the alarm on the digital clock for four seventeen in the PM today. Once the alarm has sounded, I will stand at a forty five degree angle to a source of light. If I see my shadow, I will prepare a fresh bowl and proceed to smoke it from 4:20 to 4:25. I will then set the alarm clock back one hour and re-engage the alarming device. This process will continue until either I am unable to be woken by an alarm or I have reached the one hundred hour mark. To prove that I am not cheating, I will post to this blog every hour, and you will bow to the dominance that is moulton. As of 4:20 eastern standard time today, bong hogs day begins.

BHD part one of one hundred
Opening ceremonies were a resounding success. They were well attended and the ringing microwave in the backround echoed the crowds enthusiasm. Having rekindled my friendship with marie callender during my hurricanes comin grocery store run, I was smart enough to start the microwave before the four twenty bell had rung and was thus rewarded with two and a half servings of meat lasagna perfectly coordinated with the completion of my first bowl. Things are starting out on the right foot dude, things are most certainly starting out on the right foot.

BHD part two of one hundred
The dollar coin:
Two kennedys or four washingtons, hell jefferson or dwight d could get it done with enough manpower. Theres no need for a dollar coin, shits a paper product plain and simple. They try to force these dollar coins on us with golden hues or suffragists that are dead ringers for founding fathers, and nothing takes dude. Cause we americans know we aint a bunch of european pussies who carry round change purses to the latte store. We like our dollars in paper and our change in coins. Fuck the dollar coin.

BHD part three of one hundred
Welcome back ku-tter

Tortilla chip crumbs
Fused with shredded cheddar cheese
Im fucking back dude

Dessert ratios
Have exceeded four to one
Im fucking back dude

The draft dodgin chair
Hides me from windows and wars
Im fucking back dude

BHD part four of one hundred
Super sweet sixteen:
Crofton just threatened to attempt a cartwheel in the general area of the television if I turned off his best of super sweet sixteen. Not wanting to risk my late night entertainment, I yielded to his programming choices and he issued an admission of pedophilia concurrent with the plea agreement. After thinking on it for a bit, he offered "I hope they do one with a flamboyantly gay rich kid, like a fifteen year old you know?" I pretended not to be creeped out while I smoked my weed and hid from his advances on underaged drama queens. When he passes out again its right back to the law and order marathon.

Addendum: The show just ended with a kid defiantly sayin "I challenge you to throw a better party than me" after he brought kanye west out as his guest performer.

BHD part five of one hundred
Chair stairs:
What if you had a staircase that was just a bunch of flolding chairs molded into one another spiraling up to the next floor. I think shit would be artistic, thats why. Art Noveau in the house. What about like a different color fire engine? Like if they just had gold fire trucks commissioned, so now all the kids didnt want to play with their red fire engines and they all had to run out and buy gold ones. Shits a big marketing oppurtunity the firemen are missing out on. So they come calling for mister grabler or his wife and I gotta answer the phone and tell them he aint here and she dont exist but they call back until Im exasperated and ask to speak to their supervisor to try to fill the fire cheif in on this whole gold engine scheme but he starts accusing me of talking crazy. Basically defines irony with his accusation. Im not the one whos blind to economic theory, old timer.

BHD part six of one hundred
Hogwash:
I know what it means, but I cant really figure out how it got there. Is it because hogs never wash because its foolish to change your lifestyle when you could just roll in your own filth and be fed out of troughs. Or maybe they are mocking the hogs themselves as being beneath we simians. Im just sayin, I dont know where it comes from but I know its underutilized. Accusing someone's arguments of being hogwash is just disarming enough to allow you to go in for the kill while they get over the grade school insult. And I like the word dastardly except in the context of a duo.

BHD part seven of one hundred
The Melma situation:
So grabler had a family maid to go along with the tennis courts that covered a former wetland preserve in his backyard and when he took up residence with me he demanded I pay my fair share of a maid service to come every couple of weeks and make sure we dont live like animals. I was adamantly oppossed in the begining, but then I met the latin sensation who dilligently worked for hours on end while smiling the entire time and signing politely. Melma is the shit, and every tuesday she comes by I say my hellos on the way out the door. Problem is, crofton had some friends in town and they fucking trashed the place. Crofton galavants around declaring "we'll just make the help take care of this", but Ive got to look her in the eye while she scrubs the marshmellow out of the turkey pot. Meanwhile, its the middle of bong hogs day extended and the last thing I want to do is clean up after croftons crew. Maybe Ill get real motivated in the next twelve hours or so and do it out of my friendship to crofton.

BHD part eight of one hundred
I think my muscles atrophied dude. Spontaeneous atrophication, cause Im not lookin to move from this chair. Crofton tried to raise a ruckus about starting the cleanup, but I sat helpless. Mind you I wanted to help, even tried to stand a couple times, but there was something holding me back. Maybe its some supernatural forcefield I cant see or the work of those trojans norton keeps telling me are hiding out in my computer looking to cause trouble. But try as I might, Im still sitting right here bowl in hand, meekly finishing out the duties of bong hogs day in a timely manner yet unable to help with the cleanup. Its a delicate plane of existance.

BHD part nine of one hundred
Stains:
You know how there was always that one kid in each elementary school class who didnt give a fuck about how badly stained up his shirts were. He'd be walking around with a tomato sauce deposit on his clavicle that still had a full on meatball floating in it, and the sleeves were the dark brown hue of chocolate ice cream. That made me think about dixie cups at parties with the swirl of chocolate and vanilla that you eat with that popsicle stick looking thing, and some people just eat out one or the other in protest, so you come along and do your duty as floater patrol. And goodie bags dude, remember goodie bags. Second you walked into that party you got hit with a goodie bag. I know oscar winners and corrupt government officials get grown up goodie bags every now and then, but I would prefer it if each week someone was in charge of getting goodie bags for everyone in my poker game. Fill it with like a mad dog, a joint, a swiss cake roll, and a fully cooked corndog. And mud stains dude. Mud was the shit, so mudstains and I were like peas and carrots growing up. My mother used to get to hollerin at me because I would ruin every new shirt I got literally the day I got it. They used to make me use a special shirt to eat spaghetti due to my vacuum based original technique. "Go get your spaghetti shirt and you can begin, eddie." Then I would scamper back down stairs and get out the bright orange on a canvas of white t shirt and take it down. Stains are merely natures way of identifying those refuse to obey her laws.

BHD part ten of one hundred
Lililivered Lighting:
You know how if you stare down a light long enough it will admit defeat and let you investigate its contents. Like back when they used to congregate us in an auditorium or gym, I would focus my attentions on the lights over head and go until I could make out the individual filiments therin. At that point, the light knows it got dominated, and it probably feels embarrassed to still have to illuminate your path. You wont be able to see like normal cause of the blinding flash of color that is still ingrained on your retena for the next few minutes, but its a small price to pay for man to maintain its dominance of man made machines. We dont want a terminator situation developing, and whose to say it doesnt start in secret compartments of lights that they think none of us are man enough to stare em down. I pray that I discover miniture robots plotting to overthrough the humans in one of those lights and you dismiss my rant as the side effects of a drug habit, cause when they infiltrate our society, you'll wish you would have listened. Or maybe I wont even tell you I found them, maybe Ill get in cahoots with the mini robots and play lookout for them when they need to move amongst us to set their traps. And they have the power of flight.

Sebok Strikes Again

Southern California's poker scene is heating up with the LA Poker Classic and the WSOP circuit event at Harrah's Rincon (near San Diego) going on simultaneously. Joe Sebok added to his rapidly growing list of first place finishes by taking down the $2,500 Limit event at the LA Poker Classic. Sebok won $96,750 for his efforts and second place finisher Rep Porter walked away with $48,380.

read more about Joe Sebok in Pokulator's 10 question interview with Joe Sebok

Liz Lieu wins LAPC event in back to back years

Liz Lieu won the $1,000 No Limit Hold'em event at the LA Poker Classic to give her championships in back to back years at the Commerce Casino. Lieu has done a great job showing her versatility while defending her home turf, winning a limit event last year and a no limit event this year. She also pledged to donate 20% of her winnings to charity again this year after donating 20% following her win in 2006. The win puts Lieu in the hunt for Cardplayer's player of the year award and she can take the lead with another top finish.

Read more about Liz Lieu in 10 Questions with Liz Lieu.

Gold gives up some of his winnings

Crispin Leyser dropped his lawsuit against 2006 WSOP ME champion, Jamie Gold, after agreeing to an out of court settlement. Gold allegedly promised Leyser half of his potential winnings before taking first place and the $12 prize in the main event. Gold admitted to promising Leyser a cut and said that he always intended to pay. But, when time to make good on his word came, Gold refused.

A judge froze half of the winnings at the Rio pending the outcome of this lawsuit and now the real question is how much of that money will go to Leyser.

John Hennigan is tall, has kind of a pointy head, and is a whole lot richer!

John Hennigan won the 2007 Borgata Winter Poker Open claiming the first prize of over $1.6 million and jumping to the early lead in the race for Cardplayer's 2007 player of the year award. Hennigan defeated Chuck Kelley heads up with boat over boat on the final hand. The $1.6 million payday for Hennigan is almost five times as much as he has won in any previous tournament and pushed his total tournament winnings to almost $3 million.

Away from the tables the poker media turned the attention on itself as Cardplayer accused rival Bluff Magazine of copying and pasting live updates from its site to Bluff's. Cardplayer must have forgotten that many of their reporters have done the same thing in the past while attempting to produce this investigative piece. In fact, this video does not even prove Cardplayer's claims of copy and pasting or even positively identify the reporter for bluff. It looks more like an old frosted flakes commercial where the face of the adult was in the shadows because he was too ashamed to admit to the public that he thought frosted flakes were GREAT. In addition, the video evidence isn't clear about what the alleged bluff reporter is looking at or typing on his computer. This video is a great example of the poker media missing the real stories (like brandi and dutch) because they are too busy taking jabs at each other.

Forethought and afterthought

by Eddie Money

As I mentioned a couple days back, the internet gambling world was crippled by the dissappearance of NetTeller, and many of my associates were left to wonder how they were going to handle the new marketplace. Most notably, my buddy Scalley has been supplimenting his income with online sportsbook winners for quite some time and has become immersed in the culture. I would never allege that he has now or at any time previous in college run a bookmaking operation, nor that he has many contacts of that variety, I would however insinuate it. While they struggle to find a new way to withdraw their winners, one man among them had the foresight to anticipate this very problem when the fradulent laws were first passed. For anonimities sake, we will call him Tommy Crown after the ficticious famous painting theif who bagged a wrinkled renne russo in the movie bearing his name. Ive only met the dude once when he swung through vegas to visit scalley, but I was already well familiar with his legend.

Not unlike the rest of scalleys associates, they had been pooling information to find surefire winners and cleaning up online. Unlike the rest of scalley's associates, Tommy Crown had slapped his balls on the table from the get go and was putting in action far heavier than anyone else. As the rest of you arbitrage enthusiasts know, its a volume game, and since they were making a handsome return on their investment Tommy came to have quite a lot of capital to reinvest. He was betting several dimes a day on college athletics, and at one point got an email from a website declaring that he wasnt eligible for their bonus program because he had been labeled a "non-recreational gambler" by their software.

When the shit went down, rather than rely on the sanctity of cyberspace, Tommy made sure he had a backup plan. He recruited a lowlife buddy of his from college, who not unlike myself had not used his degree as a springboard to a vocation. He offered to put his man up in vegas and pay for his rent while dude tried to make it as a proffessional poker player. Meanwhile, he would have access to funds which would be used to place bets if online casinos seemed to unstable. Essentially, a full month before the collapse of NetTeller, Tommy anticipated the shit and sent an advance man to vegas. When I heard about the arrangement, I chastised scalley for not setting me up with such a sweet gig.

Scalley replied that he was actually thinking about movin his guy to london because that would allow him more options both at books and online, and I questioned how to apply for the position. I came to realize that he was one hundred percent serious it could be mine if I wanted it, and there was a short time where I contemplated a change of citizenship to act as an american beard in britan. The achilles heel of the plan was looking my parents in the eye and coming up with a reasonable lie as to why I was going overseas to place another man's wagers. I decided it was an untenable position, and told scalley I would have to decline the post, but he encouraged me to submit a resume anyway just to see what Tommy said in response. So I got kind of bored tonight, and I wrote up the following resume:

One day, we all must fall

by Eddie Money

Gambling has been a part of american culture since we were raiding commanche indian craps games while we were still under british rule. Sure, we acted like shit wasnt legal to keep the puritans payin their taxes on time, but you and I both know that any man who sat in the oval office won a back room poker game or two to help fund the campaign that got him there. State lotteries, anti-trust exemptions for major sports leagues, and the military draft all appeal to the tacit proliferation of games of chance in order to keep the working class distracted and happy. Shit was an unspoken agreement between us and the lawmakers to look the other fucking way. We woulda gotten away with it to, if it wasnt for them meddling kennedys.

I have always revered JFKs legacy as the closest to true american royalty and love the fact that he was franking the countries biggest movie star while in wedlock and holding the highest position in the government. That said, his brother bobby was sticking his nose where it didnt belong. Dude created the wire act that shut down countless underground sportsbooks, and makes it such that you cant even use a cell phone in a legal nevada sportsbook to this day. Shits a bunch of horseshit. Such policies rubber stamped the hypocracy that we were all willing to ignore and made moves like the corrupt governments most recent possible due to their precedent.

If you werent aware of the way the shit went down some four months ago, these two faced fucks in washington attached a rider to a port secuirty bill which made online transfers to internet gambling sites illegal. After turning a blind eye to the billion dollar bidness, they decided that rather than regulate it they would just try to shut it the fuck down. When I first heard abouts it, I was frightened that it would effect the online sportsbooks and poker sites which helped to fund my lifestyle, and I feared for the worst. The aftermath turned out to be less alarming that I originally anticipated with only party poker running scared and taking its pussy shit back to the hills. Everyone else stood strong in the face of the legislation and I figured we could go on with our lives as if they had just banned free music downloads.

That all changed a couple weeks back dude. One of the giants of the online sportsbook bidness succumbed to the pressures of an overzealous task force and shut down their website. Pinnaclesports.com had been a pillar of the online betting community, and was willing to drop the vig to half what you would pay from traditional sources. While other similar sites produced a figurehead to attach their name to as owner or CEO, pinnacle had been shrouded in mystery, deciding to let their lines do the talking instead. Unconfirmed rumors have it that the proprietor was actually a legitimate american businessman who never fled for the safety of the Caymans because he had guys on the inside to warn him if the heat was coming. Recently, they did just that and told him that if he wanted to keep the book up and running he would have to transplant his family to somewhere with looser laws, so he shut it down dude. He shut it the fuck down.

Within a week of that victory for the secret police, transfer specialists NetTeller followed suit. While the loss of pinnacle was a big deal for those of us wishing to book our sportsbets with low juice and be assured payment, there were always other avenues to that kind of action. The loss of NetTeller, on the other hand, was a fucking death blow. NetTeller allowed you to transfer between different accounts, take advantage of various bonus offers, and have a reputable way to manage your virtual funds. Not only did they shut it the fuck down, but they didnt give any of their clientelle warning, meaning that I have friends with substantial holdings in the five to six figure range still waiting for their shit to be processed. Customer service is telling them it could take two to six weeks to sort out, and have essentially taken away their livelihood.

Worse than the short term loss is the long term effects of NetTeller's dissappearance. From hitting the various online betting forums, there is no heir apparent to NetTellers empire. Its like vacant corners after the biggest drug cartel in town just got taken out on a long string of rico charges. While there are various suitors, it may take months for one to establish itself as both reliable and insulated from the latest laws. In the meantime, we have the fucking super bowl just a week away, and countless gamblers are left without recourse in their betting options. Its a dark day for action, and someone's gotta step up and be a hero. For the good of your country, you should put up fliers around your neighborhood saying that you will book the upcoming action, just be sure to get the right patrolmen in your pocket. In these trying times, are there no patriots among you?

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