Resolute

Im not going to keep any of my resolutions, you know the shit and I know the shit. Im not fooling anyone by saying that some shits about to change and then going back on it the second I cross paths with a black forest cake. Its like when I used to wake up hungover every morning of college and I would lay in bed repeatedly telling any who would listen, “I will never have another drink the rest of my life”, followed by the scream/whine of “waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaater” which only got more persistent until satiated. Any new year’s resolution I have ever made has been broken before the fourth and this year will be no different. That is, unless I can trick myself. If I can somehow convince my psyche that its not a resolution, but rather some sort of game with winners and losers, shit might just stick. Thats why I have come up with the following goals.
I will not smoke a bowl, unless I have already spent at least half an hour that day doing some sort of aerobic activity not including speed eating. I will not gamble any amount greater than twenty dollars unless I have written a page that day in my destined to be unfinished novel. I will not drink any weekend where I have not attended work at least 4 of the 5 days of that preceeding week. Lastly, I will not eat more than 5 regular sized meals in any given day not designated a holiday by the state of nevada. Thats it dude, those are the resolutions, and shits arent that out of line. Each one has ways out the shit, but the end goals of keeping my addictions in check while encouraging work and writing are acheived. Pretty proud of myself.
Of course, today didnt count because I was still at my buddy Chris’ place in San Diego and thus on vaction. Chalk it up to a lazy sunday, and if you dont know that refers to one of the best SNL skits ever, you better axe somebody. Fine axe me, Ill tell you the way the shit is. Go to this website, http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=zLElfJ9YCh0, watch the movie, laugh your ass off. Chris has it on tivo and he has had to forcibly remove the remote from my hands because Ive made him watch it like 45 times over the course of this weekend. I think this new cast of SNL might be turning the corner, and even though shits all behind the scenes political, its high time a man like Sandburg took the fuck over.
With that mentality in mind, we hit up my old stomping grounds at Oceans 11 casino in san diego where I ate a 115 dollar hamburger and baked manacotti. Fuck this low limit high rake bullshit even if they do let you eat your food at the table. I could never get shit going and basically tilted away all of my money as well as an additional ATM run because I tried to play way too tight in a short handed game and got all sorts of frustrated. No worse feeling than knowing what a player is holding, that it beats what your holding, and that you have to call. Bigger men could lay down kings when the ace hits on the river, or recognize that a reraise came from the guy who just two paired, but I am a small petty little man who can not utilize such information. Not only did I rid my own bankroll, but after doing so I went to look in on my friends and was able to send enough of a negative vibe to turn his 100 dollar profit into a 60 dollar loss over the course of a half hour. Im the fucking ice queen dude, might be stemming from the fact that my bloodstream is a mix of jello and vodka right now and I havent been drunk for 24 hours. Time to start fresh. This year, Im keeping all my resolutions. I will never have another drink the rest of my life.

Resolute

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