Washington Apple Shots

After I got off work yesterday, I decided it was time to put my drinking hat on. I have been concentrating far too much on my dope smoking and far too little on my binge drinking recently. At some point, if my drinking buddies had the balls, they should have sat me down and done a reverse intervention. Something where they each sit around and tell stories about the time they had 17 beers and banged a one legged Vietnamese lady because I wasn’t there drinking with them. By showing me the pain I had caused them, maybe they could get me trying to drown my liver again, and instead of a group hug at the end there could be a group chug.

Either way, when I got home I only smoked the one bowl and I headed over to my buddy Rocco’s place. We had a few beers, but he had some study group or some shit and I had a little buzz going so I decided to head over to the mirage and play some 3/6 hold em. I sat down with sixty bucks and stayed pretty even for the first hour. Meanwhile, every time the cocktail waitress came round, I ordered another Washington apple shot. Its a mixed drink with a shot of crown royal, a shot of apple puckers, and a splash of cranberry that tastes like spiked apple cider, and damnit its delicious. About an hour and a half in, I was 4 apples deep and I started getting rowdy. I was raising preflop on any hand where I had a face card, and showing bluffs whenever possible. At one point, I got called down on a semi bluff by an older gentleman with glasses, and henceforth started loudly referring to him as crazy eyes killer. I demanded the next seat change button and said I wanted to be seated directly behind crazy eyes killer, at which point the gentleman occupying that seat agreed to switch. As the hands went by, I would talk shit to him whenever we both folded, and eventually I got him to order a Washington apple shot every time I did. After about 8 of these guys(numbers may be exaggerated due to intoxication) I was relived of all my chips and decided to go ask for a comp instead of cash back in.

The fine Mirage poker room staff granted my request and sent me off with 15 bucks to spend at the Carnegie deli to offset my 90-dollar loss. I stepped up and realized the menu would be hard to negotiate given my goal of spending all 15 dollars with no additional charge to myself. I ended up getting two orders of fries at 3.50 a pop and a burger for 9 bucks, setting me back an additional dollar out of my pocket, sons of bitches. As my food was being prepared, I looked up to realize that they had a full New York bakery including the elusive Black and White cookie. I figured they had hidden the bakery from me, knowing they could hit me up after my comp had already been cashed and therefore they were deserving of the larceny that was about to take place. Summoning all the discretion of WWF wrestler hitting someone with a tire iron when the ref’s back is turned, I swiped my multiracial prize pastry and put it directly in my pocket. After a round of drunk dials that may well catch up to me later this afternoon, I alienated a potential roommate, berated no less than 3 friends I hadn’t talked to in months, and threatened a family member with a lawsuit. I then promptly passed out around 930PM leading to that awkward 430 AM wakeup where you just stare at the ceiling for a few hours and maybe rub one out.

Washington Apple Shots

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