The Ongoing Ellix Powers saga part 17

I picked Ellix up in front of the Plaza Hotel, he was about halfway through a cheese dog, and he said he was dead tired. We made our way towards my place where he was going to crash for the night, and I told him that my roommate was out of town in Thailand with his girlfriend, but that it was a pretty nice place and most of the stuff was my roommate. This led to a bunch of questions from Ellix: “She an Asian girl? Why they in Thailand then? They there for the Thai weed? You can get a whole coffee can full of shit, for like 5, ten dollars. Best weed you ever smoked, I know cause my dad was a service man. They used to smuggle that shit back in coffee cans.”

Then he was talking about how he lived a full life, “There’s nothing that Donald trump has done that I aint done other than fly a plane with gold fucking hydrants in it.” Then he talked about how he was ready to get up to heaven because of all the shit down here, “I can go to any city, go two blocks away from a police station, and they are dealing dope. 20 miles away from the police station and they send you to jail. What about the guys right by the police station? They don’t give a shit about them.”

We got to my place, and Ellix got settled in. We scanned the on demand movies for something that fit, and decided on the original Predator. What follows is a running commentary of Ellix during the movie. It’s the first time I had a computer right in front of me to write down exact quotes, so I assure you these are verbatim.

"This is a great movie, Carl Weathers. I like, you know who I like, Arnold Swartsenegger. I think he should have got some academy awards. He got robbed. He made some best sellers, and he’s a governor. But big Hollywood doesn’t like him, cause he told them “fuck you”. Clint Eastwood had the same problem early in his career, he did the same shit. Clint Eastwood said “fuck you, Ill go make my movies in Italy then”, but now they like him.“

”Last Action Hero, that’s the only one of his movies I didn’t like. It was too damn complicated. Total Recall, I liked that. Eraser, I liked that. Fuck no, I didn’t see jingle all the way. There’s a couple movies I didn’t like though, when he was fucking walking through a million bullets.“

”I love this Indian in this show. That scared the shit out of him, and he a tough motherfucker.“

”These guys go in the jungle to save some men, and they find out the whole fucking world is going nuts.“

”I don’t even need to smoke, I turn it off like candy. Its just habit man, I don’t even care. I don’t even like smoking, I smoke cause I don’t care. You know, when I smoke, its all good.“

”He still had muscles then, he aint got no muscles no more.“

”You telling everything now bitch, you got my man killed. Ill shoot you bitch, you gonna tell everything now bitch, why didn’t you tell before, you scared aint you? That’s cause the bitch is scared that’s why she didn’t escape. Motherfucking men all around her.“

”That’s a badass gun. You could stop about two three hundred motherfuckers with that. Come get this, motherfuckers."

His phone started ringing “Aw fuck you, I’m not fucking talking to you” picked it up and hung up without looking who it was.

“This is the first movie I ever watched I didn’t like Carl Weathers. They should have shot his ass.”

“She finally talked, but it was too fucking late. She should have talked in the beginning

Maybe shit wouldn’t have gone down that way. Wait till three or four motherfuckers get shot, then you talk. That shit would piss me off.”

“Shoot that motherfucker, shoot him. You stupid mother fucker, you seen him and you didn’t shoot. He got your ass.”

“The mud saved your ass. Yup, it works like that sometimes. You gotta get lucky sometimes. Yeah that motherfucker laid up in the mud and he got lucky, shit I’ll get a little even now. He’s doing the hunting now.”

By the end of the movie, I was about ready to go to bed, but I was also pretty damned hungry. We surveyed the remains of my roommate’s ransacked cupboard, and Ellix didn’t like much of what we found. “I thought you had steaks here man, thousands of steaks. If Id have known, Id have told you to stop off and get a couple of tacos.”

As we turned in for the night he closed with, “Man I want to take the whole day of tomorrow. It would be nice to lay down for a day.”

The Ongoing Ellix Powers saga part 17

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